Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Yet Another Armageddon
“I hope everyone in America is using protection, because it is very possible that we are all screwed,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night. The “Late Show” host was referring to the potential for a government shutdown and the possibility of the U.S. hitting the debt ceiling. (He also explained the arcane process known as budget reconciliation, putting on a Willy Wonka hat to do so.)
“It would be what one economist called ‘financial Armageddon.’ That’s bad news and even worse timing, because America’s already scheduled a plague Armageddon, a climate Armageddon and a democracy Armageddon.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yes, for one magical vote a year, senators leave the mortal world behind and enter an enchanted land of reconciliation. [singing to the tune of ‘Pure Imagination’ from ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’] Come with me, and you’ll be / In a world of reconciliation / It’s our sole remedy / Except for pure intoxication.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Reconciliation is a phantasmagorical place of legislative wonder, where anything can happen. Who knows — maybe even something!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Congress — that’s the only workplace less productive than Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch.” — TREVOR NOAH
“It’s almost like shoving everything you want into one gigantic $4 trillion package doesn’t work.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Republicans aren’t making it any easier, of course. They’ve already deployed their go-to weapon that always stops the Democrats from getting things done: other Democrats.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Wait, wait — maybe we should inject the budget with horse paste.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Whac-a-Mole Edition)
“YouTube just announced that it is blocking all anti-vaccine content. Blocked it. But don’t worry, if you want anti-vaccine content, just check out the comment section of literally any video.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Better 18 months late than never, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“TikTok explicitly prohibits misinformation related to Covid. Unfortunately, that hasn’t stopped videos from spreading faster than the disease that makes people listen to Joe Rogan.” — SAMANTHA BEE
“This is all thanks to the TikTok algorithm that uses machine learning to keep users addicted. And if that machine has to learn quick, it dumps Adderall into its USB drive.” — SAMANTHA BEE
“While TikTok has removed 62 million videos in the first three months of this year, it’s nearly impossible to remove every problematic post. It’s like playing TikTok Whac-a-Mole, except the moles believe the vaccines will give you an 11th toe.” — SAMANTHA BEE
The Bits Worth Watching
This week’s hashtags segment on “The Tonight Show” challenged viewers to create fall-themed parodies.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Charlize Theron, star of “The Old Guard 2,” will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
Jon Stewart’s new talk show, “The Problem With Jon Stewart,” will examine social issues through the personal stories of guests.
Source: Read Full Article