Do I stand by my partner while he's in prison – even though he's texting his ex?

DEAR DEIDRE: Do I wait for my partner while he serves time in prison – even though I caught him messaging his ex? 

I know that most people would say ‘no’, but part of me thinks I should give him one more chance. He’s having a hard enough time as it is. 


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He’s serving three months for not paying council tax, and I’ve supported him through the whole process. 

He’s 48, I’m 45 and we’ve been together for two years. 

Last week I was putting away some new clothes I’d bought him – thought it might be a nice surprise for when he’s back. 

Hidden under his t-shirts was a Nokia phone, and on it were texts to his ex. 

The conversation had started when he told her about his sentence – but as they went on, they got flirtier. 

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The last message was him promising to see her when he got out. 

Am I a fool to stand by him? 

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DEIDRE SAYS: In a word, ‘yes’. You’ve supported your partner in the lead up to his time in prison, and he’s repaid you by messaging his ex. 

Don’t waste your time waiting for him. 

You need to tell him about what you’ve found and explain how hurt you feel. Explain that as he clearly doesn’t value your relationship you have decided not to put your life on hold for him. 

Let him know you’ll spend time with family and friends with your eyes on the future. 

Explain that if he wants to try and apologise and rebuild your relationship and trust you’ll give him that opportunity when he is released – if you are still single.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you set out your expectations. 

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