My abusive ex won't see our daughter unless I take him back – what do I do?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex refuses to see our daughter unless I get back with him.

We split up when our little girl, who’s now two, was three months old. I’m 30 and had bad postnatal depression.

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I needed support but he wouldn’t let my mum come to care for me.

When I couldn’t cope with the housework on top of looking after a new baby, he’d scream at me.

It felt very abusive, so in the end I walked out on him.

I do want him to have a relationship with his daughter, but he says he won’t even see her until our relationship is back on track. He’s 40.

I still love him but I can’t go through the abuse again.

Should I just ignore him and bring my daughter up without her father?

DEIDRE SAYS: While it is sad that he has no contact with his daughter, this man is trying to emotionally blackmail you, which suggests he is still controlling and abusive.

Think carefully before letting him back in.

Unless he accepts responsibility for his behaviour and seeks help to change, any relationship you have with him will only feature more of the same.

My support pack on Abusive Partners discusses this issue.

Contact or no contact, he does have a legal obligation to provide financially.

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