My abusive wife treats me like dirt but I can't leave my son

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is controlling and frankly awful to be around.

I’m 29 and she is 30. We have been married for four years and I only stay for our son, who is two.


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Before our child arrived she drank heavily and was even violent. Afterwards she’d apologise, cry and then blame me for winding her up.

Her mum’s the same and is always abusive whenever she has a drink.

Since our son arrived she rarely drinks, so at least the violence has stopped but she is still vile to me. It’s embarrassing – as the man, I should be the strong one but she is overbearing.

Recently I got an alert from the NHS Covid app telling me to self-isolate. She screamed that I was a mug for signing up. I don’t know where to turn.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife is aware she has a problem with her drinking, which is why she stopped when she had her son.

She has learned the same behaviour as her aggressive mum and your son could too. It would help you to learn some assertiveness skills. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself explains more.

Talk about the effect an aggressive atmosphere will have on your son and suggest couples counselling. If she becomes violent again, please contact the mensadviceline.org.uk (0808 801 0327) who understand how difficult it is for male domestic violence victims.

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